Really? [He laughs at that.] Don't let Gwaine find out about them. Do you need me to do your laundry or something? [Because, well, sometimes bad things come with intoxication.]
[And thank God for that. Oh yes. He wants to ask but...why are these words so difficult to utter? After a moment's pause he just outs and say it, quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.]
I - backed away. [After a moment.] We spoke shortly and I left.
[To try and understand exactly what Merlin now asks him. No luck on that front so far.] I don't know. I don't think I've ever been quite so - confused.
I'm not. [And he really isn't, though he knows he probably should be. Cas has been a true friend to him all along, cheered him up from the depths of despair, gave him a place to stay in, took care of him...no, how could he be upset with him?]
[More and more lately he's becoming certain that Gwen's feelings have never been for him as much as - for what he represented. And he's beginning to wonder...if he is not guilty of the same. He's met her so briefly each time and now that he finally gets to spend time with her on a more permanent basis...it seems to have caused both of them nothing but heartache and confusion.]
No, he said nothing.
[Except indicate that he would like to do it again.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
video;private
I awoke Cas after his dream. He's had a few drinks and...[this is not a part he's proud of] we've both had some of his - herbal cookies.
video;private
video;private
Yes, they are quite...intoxicating though.
video;private
video;private
I'll keep that in mind. [He shakes his head] No, no my clothes are fine. [And he does his own, anyway.] I didn't have quite so many.
video;private
Did that fairy come back again? Oh, sorry, you wanted to ask me something?
video;private
[And thank God for that. Oh yes. He wants to ask but...why are these words so difficult to utter? After a moment's pause he just outs and say it, quickly, like ripping off a bandaid.]
He kissed me.
video;private 1/2
video;private
[A breath. Did he hear him right? He's sure he hear him right.]
Like...a real kiss?
video;private
...yes. [More of a real kiss than he's ever had.]
video;private
video;private
[To try and understand exactly what Merlin now asks him. No luck on that front so far.] I don't know. I don't think I've ever been quite so - confused.
video;private
video;private
video;private
[A sigh of relief at that.]
Then how do you feel?
[Confused. He'd said confused. So Merlin adds:]
About Cas.
video;private
[But does that mean that sort of love? He doesn't know - it's always been Gwen.]
video;private
Unless, of course, you think you might want to.
video;private
I don't know what I think I - it's always been Gwen. [For so long...he thinks he might have just...gotten used to being in love with her.]
video;private
[He's careful with the question. It's one that he's been asking himself a lot, actually.]
video;private
I don't know. I never really - had her. I don't think she and I were ever meant to be. I think for a long time now...I've been realizing that.
video;private
video;private
[What he's learned of his future in Camelot taught him as much.]
video;private
Alright.
[A pause.]
Did Cas give you any idea of what the kiss really was? After all, you did say he had a few drinks in him, maybe it was just that.
[Or maybe that just gave him courage to act. But he waits to see what Lancelot says first.]
video;private
No, he said nothing.
[Except indicate that he would like to do it again.]
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private
video;private