servant | Forge

I - backed away. [After a moment.] We spoke shortly and I left.

[To try and understand exactly what Merlin now asks him. No luck on that front so far.] I don't know. I don't think I've ever been quite so - confused.

Try not to be upset with him. I'm sure it was...a surprise. But I know Cas is a good person, he would never- Look at this way. It's a compliment!

I'm not. [And he really isn't, though he knows he probably should be. Cas has been a true friend to him all along, cheered him up from the depths of despair, gave him a place to stay in, took care of him...no, how could he be upset with him?]

Good.

[A sigh of relief at that.]

Then how do you feel?

[Confused. He'd said confused. So Merlin adds:]

About Cas.

He's - a true friend, someone I completely rely on... [now more than ever] I love him dearly.

[But does that mean that sort of love? He doesn't know - it's always been Gwen.]

It's hard not to love Cas. That doesn't mean you want to kiss him again.

Unless, of course, you think you might want to.

[Oh Merlin. The way you simplify things really is remarkable. What would he ever do without you?]

I don't know what I think I - it's always been Gwen. [For so long...he thinks he might have just...gotten used to being in love with her.]

And what about Gwen right now?

[He's careful with the question. It's one that he's been asking himself a lot, actually.]

[He shakes his head, uncertain himself.]

I don't know. I never really - had her. I don't think she and I were ever meant to be. I think for a long time now...I've been realizing that.

Are you ready to let her go? Because no matter what, nothing will be clear or fair unless you've truly decided that first.

I must let her go, regardless of anything.

[What he's learned of his future in Camelot taught him as much.]

[Gwen. Merlin's thoughts go to her before he pulls them back. Focus on one friend at a time.]

Alright.

[A pause.]

Did Cas give you any idea of what the kiss really was? After all, you did say he had a few drinks in him, maybe it was just that.

[Or maybe that just gave him courage to act. But he waits to see what Lancelot says first.]

[More and more lately he's becoming certain that Gwen's feelings have never been for him as much as - for what he represented. And he's beginning to wonder...if he is not guilty of the same. He's met her so briefly each time and now that he finally gets to spend time with her on a more permanent basis...it seems to have caused both of them nothing but heartache and confusion.]

No, he said nothing.

[Except indicate that he would like to do it again.]

That doesn't mean he has nothing to say. Talk to him. Once you know how he feels, it might help you figure out how you feel.

[But what if he says he does feel something - what should he answer to that? And there is the small matter of Cas being well - a guy. While Anatole did help him grow more open-minded, it's a completely different thing to accept that of himself.]

You're right, of course.

[He's so lost right now.]

Would you mind saying that again? I don't hear it very much.

[He almost snorts.]

I would but I'm afraid Arthur would never forgive me should I let it go to your head.

[Merlin laughs and rolls his eyes a bit before becoming more serious.]

You know, I think you're both pretty special. And...I'll support you no matter what. And you can always talk to me.

[As nosy as Merlin is, he knows first-hand that this sort of situation is...delicate.]

And-

[Shut up Merlin.]

[Special. He definitely feels special, in all the negative meanings of the word.]

The same to you.

[He raises an eyebrow, as if telling him to go on.]

Well. If something does come of it - and I'm not saying that it will. I wouldn't willingly look into the future. I'm just saying, if.

Make sure you court him properly.

[...thank goodness he wasn't drinking anything, but it doesn't stop him choking a little bit.]

[Would ya look at that, suddenly Merlin has ALL THE LAUNDRY IN THE WORLD to do.]

[Why is he almost tempted to ask what courting him properly means.

No, no, this day is as strange as he can bear it to be as it is.]

I'll talk to you soon.

[And he just. Cuts the feed. Dear Lord.]

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