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"Hello? I don't have to polish this thing, do I?"

You didn't have to do that. I wouldn't have harmed her.

I know you wouldn't. [Pause] Pretty sure she would've been doing everything in her power to put you on your royal backside though.

And of course would have been sorely disappointed when she failed to succeed.

...Of course, Sire.

I just can't let anyone else be your servant, even for a week. Then you might realize what a half-assed job I really do.

God forbid. What have you been telling this wench? She seems quite insistent that I'm a tyrant and you're a forlorn waif who shouldn't be forced into such abominable slavery.

I know Steph's a bit strong-willed, but I'm sure her intentions are good.

I believe it might have something to do with my ears. They seem to be a very popular feature where she's from.

Your ears?

. . . You know, Merlin, if you're pursuing romance, you don't have to hide it from me. Even if the lady in question is a bit of a harridan.

Pursuing ro-

She is just a friend. And I would not try to hide it from you. I'd just tell you to mind your own damn business.

I suppose since your affair with Morgana ended so tragically, that's understandable.

[Could he be any more horrified? No, I don't think he can.]

Nothing ended with Morgana because there was nothing there to begin with!

And before you say that I'm still in denial, I assure that I am not nor was I ever in denial! [He denies that there ever was a denial!]

You brought her flowers! You visited her chambers unaccompanied at ridiculous hours! You moped for days on end when she disappeared!

[...]

And you got that I had feelings for her out of that?

What else!

Oh, I don't know, maybe all the stuff I told you the first time? That I was trying to cheer her up? That I didn't want you to get the wrong idea? That sort of thing?

I assumed you were being coy.

Mm. Really isn't my style.

At the very least you must have someone who—

Actually, never mind, I don't want to know.

Someone who makes my heart pound? Who keeps me awake at night? That would be you, Sire.

[Wait for it...]

When you wake me from a sound sleep because you think there's a rat in your chambers.

[ oh. ]

Ha ha ha.

[ well that's all right then. ]

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